What Are You Afraid of?

Proverbs 3:25-26 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

In 1999 two young men, both students at Columbine High School, shot and killed several of their fellow classmates. One of which, as I recall, was asked, "Do you believe in God?" just before being mortally wounded.

When the news reports of that tragedy came out, I was overwhelmed with these questions, "Is my faith that strong?" "Would I be able to answer yes and face the barrel of a gun in the next moment?"

I was given Proverbs 3:25 to pondered and I began reviewing familiar Bible stories to grow myself in the Word. One of those stories was Moses and the children of Israel. Sudden fear and aggravated emotions are laced throughout those chapters.

Let's take some time to review those chapters in the next few blogs and pray that God will reveal how we push our own panic buttons at times. We have already discovered He does not what us to live in fear. So let's begin practicing what we know and begin exercises true faith in The Almighty.

I have found that some emotional responses have layers to them much like an onion. You must have the outside layers peeled away before the fresh layers are revealed. Fear is one such emotion. God will lead you to the inner core, over time and you will be able to release yourself to Him in times of panic. What peace the Holy Spirit offers as we yield to Him!

Read Exodus 1-3. Try to place yourself in the story.  Think about how you would feel if you were one of the people in those situations. We will continue forward next time.

Defining Fear

A teacher friend of mine is greatly afraid of snakes. I have taught with this woman for three years now and have seen her respond many times to snake skins on the playground and baby black snakes in the restrooms. Just the other day, she came into my classroom with a snake model and asked if I thought it would be a good idea to let her first graders paint them. She also wanted to borrow some books to read with them about snakes. I told her how proud I was of her for not allowing her fear to hinder her teaching the children. She assured me she was truly trying to work on her fear with the Lord's help.

We all have things we are afraid of, the dark, spiders, water or just the unknown. We are struck with fear by things we just don't understand or we have had experiences that have caused us to be afraid. But God doesn't want us to live in fear.

There are two types of fear in scripture. One is anxiety caused by real or possible danger and the other is awe; reverence or wonder. Let me share my view of how God uses one to cause the other and you tell me what you think.

As a child, I was afraid of the dark. I would call out to my daddy who would come to comfort me. He would sit with me until I fell asleep. I was afraid of thunder. Mom and dad would comfort me in a storm by letting me sleep in their room. God used the example of my parents to teach me about His love and protection. I could see my earthy mother and father showing me what protection and comfort were, so I could learn later about the loving protection and comfort of my Heavenly Father.

As a teen, I was afraid of spiders and snakes. I got a job at Dan Nicholas Park where they have a live snake exhibit. At sixteen, I was trained to feed the spiders and snakes. I did not outgrow my fear but learned to face it by understanding it's nature. Our Heavenly Father did not create anything He wants us to be afraid of. Sin and the nature of sin causes us to question that. We develop the idea that certain created things might hurt us, therefore, "I will be afraid so I will not have to face it."

What about the fear of heights and closed in places? God wants us to discover and enjoy life. But sin has tainted many experiences. How many of us were thrown into the air as children or held in the air on a teeter totter only to walk away screaming and crying never to enjoy the heights again?  How about being shoved into a closet by an older cousin who turned the lights out using the skeleton key to lock the door behind them? Now, get this! God allowed it all! He caused those experiences to happen to me so I could learn to revere Him instead of man. I can empathize with children who are afraid, because I know how they feel.

Proverbs 28:14 says, "Happy is the man that feareth always: but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into mischief."

I love how the Amplified Scriptures read for the verse. It contains all the English words from all the Hebrew original text. Read it prayerfully and review some of the scary times in your life. Ask God to reveal how HE comforted and continues to comfort you.

Proverbs 28:14 (Amplified) Blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied) is the man who reverently and worshipfully fears [the Lord] at all times [regardless of circumstances], but he who hardens his heart will fall into calamity.

You might say God allows scary situations to make us call out to Him and learn to trust Him. He keeps our hearts tender by making us fear things. But, He tells us not to be afraid after we begin to understand our relationship with Him offers true protection.

II Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit for fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

A timid, cowardice, craven, cringing, fearful spirit in not from the Father. But a spirit of power and calm, resting in His love, with a well-balanced, controlled and disciplined mind is.

Next time we will take a look at reverential fear. Please read Exodus 19 and Deuteronomy 5. We must learn how to return AWE to it's rightful Owner or fear will continue to grip us and we will not be able to grow in our relationship with the AWESOME ONE.

Taming Emotional Beasts

Genesis 1:26 states that at the time of creation God declared he would make man in his image. Does that mean that emotions are part of his devine design? Throughout scripture, we are given examples of emotions and emotional responses and their consequences. I want to use the next few blogs to discuss some of those and to explain how I use scripture to tame my emotional beasts.

First of all, let's review some of the emotions we have seen in previous posts. Depression pushes one into the Dark where fear, loneliness, anxiety, frustration and even anger may be experienced.

Divide a piece of paper into four sections. In each section on the front, write one of the five emotions listed above you deal with the most and place the one you deal with the least on the back. Prayerfully review your Bible stories and list the characters who exhibited fear, loneliness, anxiety, frustration or anger to a situation. Taking the time to do this, will put your mind in a place that allows it to ponder the Creator's divine design.

God created us to be emotional beings just as he is emotional. He wants us to have holy responses to our emotions, not sinful ones. As we live in the flesh, we are to be constantly presenting ourselves to him for filling. A vessel must be empty in order to be filled. One of the ways God uses depression, is to reveal just how selfish and self centered we are and just how gloriously selfless he is. Surrendering to him and his power daily is the first step to taming emotional beasts.

Practice that today with a prayer of thanksgiving. Praise him for salvation and what it means. Ask him to condition you for a complete surrender to him. He will help you tame the emotional beasts in your life.

The Lovingkindness of God

As created beings we already belong to God. He created mankind, but He created him with a freewill. Because of freewill, a choice was made to sin against a Holy God. The Holy God loves His creation and presented a plan for man to follow. But just a short time after that plan was initiated, rebellion lead to jealousy, which lead to murder.

Rebellion is the will making a choice not to follow the rules or laws. God's creation follows specific laws of physics to keep on track. The universe follows a pattern of divine design that man has tried for many decays to explain away so as not to have to trust the Unseen One. Because of this rebellion, God often allows depression, the sinking of oneself into oneself, to take place. This allows God the opportunity to recapture man's AWE.

As a youth, I began to question man's theory of the universe. I could not rationalize how something could come from nothing and then become what I saw all around me. The theory of evolution made NO sense. So, I chose to believe that there was a God. I had been raised in church, but I had to choose what to believe. That choice being made, I then had to know how to respond to Him. At seventeen I found that I could have a personal relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ and have not been without His presence in my live.

Depression is the "Alone place." I truly thought I was all alone. I have since learned, those are the times God was carrying me. He never left me. I just wasn't looking for HIM.

Psalm 107 Follows a pattern of thanks, praise, rebellion and prayer. This pattern, I have found is what leads to my depressions. I thank and praise then I rebel and God has to take me into the "darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron." (verse 7) "He brought me down with labour." It is then, I cry out to God, my Creator, and He brings me out to view His glory once more. 

Psalm 107:17-20 "Fools because of their transgression, and because of their iniquities, are afflicted. Their soul abhorreth all manner of meat; and they draw near unto the gates of death. Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."

It was during one of those times, that a precious friend of mine, began reminding me that the Christian life is not about living at all, but about dying. Dying to self and selfish desires and living as a daily sacrifice for God, broken and spilled out before Him in all we do. She would remind me every time we saw each other at church. She would even call me randomly at 4 A.M. to ask if I had died today then hang up the phone. As I look back I remember how furious that made me. But what she did truly helped me to grow in my desire to die to self and surrender to Him. He knows my needs. He will supply. He will carry me. He will never leave me. BECAUSE...........HE LOVES ME!!!

Psalm 107:43 Whoso is wise, and will observe these things even they shall understand the lovingkindness of the Lord.

Growing Some Fruit

Business for business sake can make one weary very quickly. When we labor without a cause, we often find ourselves burnt out, trudging on in dutifulness, wandering why we are forcing ourselves to continue. It is then that God and God alone should be our focus. Becoming awestruck is the way God regrabs our attention from the hustle and bustle and helps us to prioritize. He wants us to know why we are busy and for Whom we are busy.

By putting myself in "fix it" mode, I could make myself "feel" better and continue on, so I thought.

In a previous post I stated that God had lead me to three passages to study during this time in my life. Before continuing my thoughts from Psalm 127 I must insert James 1:1-5.

On my journey, I was stepping into the Dark. The hallway that leads to the Dark is what I call the tunnel of despair. I was happily married, had two beautiful, health babies, yet I was not "happy." This unhappiness continued to grow inside of me until I was completely engulfed with Despair.

You must remember, I was only sleeping four to five hours a night, eating junk food or not eating at all, and drinking caffeine to keep myself going. All of these, I have since learned, caused me to start walking into Despair.

Circumstance's were not the cause of my depression. I was! God was allowing me to use my will to make choices that were leading me into this place so I could learn some valuable lessons in my walk with Him.

READ James 1:1-5 and follow me.

God also lead me, so graciously, to this passage and began to teach me the pattern to JOY that I want to share with you today.

James 1:2-3 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptation. Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

Frist let me say, joy and happiness are not one in the same. Joy is found and experienced in a relationship. We find joy in our relationships with our spouses, children and friends. But, we must find it in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It is developed or matured, if you will, by growth in our relationship with The Holy Spirit. He must reside within for you to develope this fruit. Its' maturing can only take place by being tested so patience can be developed. And get this, patience is also a fruit, the bud of which cannot break forth until some pressure has been applied. We cannot have joy in the Lord, until God, through His providenial direction, has helped us to develope patience.

Chew on that today and we will return to this thought tomorrow.

With Whom/What are you awestruck?

Psalm 127:1 Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it: except the Lord keeps the city, the watchman wakes but in vain.

On June 19, my little Rest was born. The labor and delivery was nothing like Hannah's.

I was at home that morning and began to have contractions. They were not painful. I have a high tolerance for pain, I would later learn. So, I got up, took a shower and told my husband, who was off for the day. We went to the hospital. It had been upgraded to have labor and delivery suites. I didn't have to take Castor oil, although the doctor did have to broke my water for the labor to be productive. God was so gracious. I could sense the Father comforting me through the whole day. It was truly the "restful" experience I had prayed for. We came home the next day and I began tending to my 18 month old and my newborn.

I was sleeping very little, eating junk, and very busy. So, I parked myself in three books of study, Ruth, Ecclesiastes, and Psalm 127. I pondered them for over a year. Looking back over my notes, I can see why God chose to settle me in those places. Ruth, helped me to keep proper perspective on my marriage of only 4 years. Ecclesiastes, was used later to help me identify the behaviors that cause my depressions. And Psalm 127, contains the principles found in both longer books. I would peruse that when my very tired brain was overloaded.

For this post we will focus on Psalm 127:1-2

Tending to two small children can be very taxing. I had been teaching at a local christian school during my pregnancy with Noah. Hannah spent those months with a special friend. She modeled the mom I wanted my children to have. She cooked, cleaned, worked, laughed, and played with her girls. I wanted to be that for my family. So, I began praying that God would make me love being a mom. I had to pray about that a lot. You see, I was raised to believe that being a mom was not enough. If you didn't work outside the home you were not really doing anything. I began to feel guilty about being at home and tending to my children. I learned that guilt is the first dart Satan hurls at me to begin the process that leads to my depressions.

God ordained the family to be one man, one woman, raising children for Him. The man is the provider. The woman is the caregiver and helps the man provide if necessary. But in my case it was not truly necessary. I just liked working outside my home. I found it more gratifying because of what the culture was telling me. I began to seek duties to squelch the guilt. I didn't pray necessarily. I just began telling God what I was going to do.

So, I would open my home to others like my friend. I would keep some of my other friend's children so they could work outside their homes. In a since, I enabled myself while enabling others to continue down the same path. This worked for a time, but didn't truly make me "feel" any better. I was still frustrated, tired, and angry a lot.

Psalm 127:2 It is vain for you to raise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

My children were less than two and I was keeping a four year old and another newborn. I also allowed some older kids in for after school, so when my husband came home, the house was full of children. He is a good man. After 25 years together, he tells me he didn't mind, But as I look back, I wonder how many evenings he would have loved to have somewhere else to go.

Some of the kids didn't leave until seven in the evening and we still had our own to tend to. I would get mine in bed and stay up doing household chores until midnight and then rise at five in the morning to prep for the day, eating the bread of sorrows and anxious toil, believing that this labor would make me happy.

But rest, my friend, is where happiness is. Rest of body, and soul allows the mind to rest in and on God. I was leaving that out. I was reading and studying, but I had stopped applying and was loosing the battle to the Dark.

God Uses Depression??????

When Hannah was six months old I began to pray for another baby. I know, I must have been crazy. She was still not sleeping through the night. I was tired and cranky all the time. But, I wanted to return to the "happy me." I didn't know this then, but have since learned, that a woman, because of the hormones of pregnancy, experiences lot's of "happiness." Even in the mist of being morning sick and worrying about the out come, she is "happy." So, I thought, I needed to be pregnant again to make those feelings return. I had a lot to learn at 24.

I began praying for a baby boy. I began studying names and planned to name him James Noah, James after his dad and Noah, because in my studies I found the name Noah means "rest." I asked God to allow him to be a restful child since Hannah wasn't. She was always busy. At nine months, she was walking and talking and into everything. I found out at this time I was expecting. I was thrilled. Here comes my "fix." We will have another baby and life will be grand again. Little did I know, that what I was experiencing was the onset of my first battle with depression.

Depression is a place. It is a place where you loose the true view of life and all it's wonders. It is also a method. It is a method Satan is allowed to use to confuse the mind.  Yes, I said allowed. Remember, God is sovereign. He holds the universe by His power and He is intimately involved with each of His children. He allows Satan permission to tempt us so He can recapture our AWE. Contemplate that thought over a cup of coffee and the books of Job and James and we will return to this thought tomorrow.

What do You Ponder?

After giving birth, my senses were on overdrive. I heard every move that tiny baby made, even from the other room. Well, maybe not every move, but she had a powerful set of lungs. They let me know any time she needed me and like a dutiful first time mom, I checked on her every few minutes just to make sure she was still breathing.

During those first few days, Hannah was held by many visitors. She was blessed with five grandmothers and countless family members. I was a stay at home mom and I loved showing her off. As visitors held my precious, I focused on their every move, especially the grandmothers. I wanted  to know what they knew. All of them had raised at least one child. They had all been teaching me my whole life. I wasn't about to let those moments pass. Then I began to notice their hands. The oldest, the ones with the wrinkled skin and knobbed knuckles, were the most curious to me. Those were the ones who had spent many years of their lives tending and nurturing others. 

Because of  heightened senses, during early motherhood, I had a very difficult time sleeping. Whether Hannah woke me up or not, it seemed I could never get a full night's rest. I allowed lack of sleep to raise my temper. I couldn't continue to fume, so I began praying God would condition me for this task. Along this time, I began to study a few Psalms that God would use to help me deal with the everyday duties of motherhood. One of those was Psalm 4. I titled it my "Rest" chapter. It contains a formula for dealing with frustration that I have used time and time again.

vs. 1-Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress, have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.

The first step to dealing with frustration in ones live is prayer. Our relationship with the Father began with prayer. The most beautiful aspect of my elders hands was the fact I knew they folded them everyday in prayer. Calling out to God about my frustration and asking Him to free me from the hemmed in place and to enlarge me or make me able to tolerate more with less sleep became a daily practice. I wanted His mercy and I wanted Him to hear my prayer. All of this was unfolded for me from this verse as I gnawed on the words and began to disgust their meaning. You might say I started the process of pondering at this time. Pondering isn't just thinking. It involves deep, careful, even prayful consideration. It is a type of thinking that returns your mind to awe and wander. You begin to realize you are powerless, that the Almighty has the plan, pattern and purpose for your life and He alone will provide for your every need, including sleep.

vs. 2 O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.

The second step to dealing with frustration is realizing selfishness and eliminating it. The dutiful hands of the grandmothers taught faithfulness in hardships. One tended to a sick husband for seventeen years. One prepared meals for 3 households daily due to extended family illnesses. One did needle work and gifted often to extend hospitality and graciousness and all mended and tended gardens, canning and putting back for the harsh winters to come.

I began to realize I was making some choices that were robbing me of sleep. Drinking too much caffeine, watching too much television, staying up late after Hannah was asleep so I could have "my time." My focus ways turned inward.

vs. 3-4 But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself: The Lord will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.

It was time I learned the art of being still........What? None of my elders hands were ever still, yet their was a steel like quality to them.They were strong enough to roof houses, lay bricks, stock shelves but gentle enough to cradle a newborn with such graceful motion. I learned that being still in spirit is the third step to dealing with frustration. It is truly an art form fashioned and molded over time. It is passed from women teaching women the art of stillness through hand work or daily chores. I learned many of theses from the hands of my elders. I was always amazed at how those weathered hands could produce the most beautiful things, from quilts, to crocheted doilies, to clothes, and even furniture.  I began to learn that watching television or reading novels did not produce a still spirit. But I did find it in the hand arts and daily chores. I became awestruck many times in the process. A still, quiet spirit allows the soul to see God in everything.

vs. 5-7 Offer the sacrifices of righteousness and put your trust in the Lord. There be many that say, Who will show us any good? Lord, lift thou up the light of they countenance upon us. Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased.

The last step to dealing with frustration is not to compare your situation to someone else's. You might say, "Thou shalt not to covet."
I Thess. 4:11 became a daily reminder.  "And that you study to be quiet and do your own busy and work with your own hands as we commanded you."

What God was doing in my life was about me, not my friend, who had children who slept through the night from day one. It was about what He was conditioning me to do for Him and for His glory. All of my circumstances were for my good, as Romans 8:28 states. If He has the plan, pattern and purpose for my life then lack of sleep must be part of that plan. I would learn how to refuse the temptation to compare myself to someone else and ask God for the rest He knew I needed.

vs. 8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.

Becoming awestruck offers the soul a jolt, a restart, a renewed genesis if you will, a place to ponder.
May I ask-- Have you been awestruck lately and what do you ponder?

Awestruck

When was the last time you were awestruck? Caught up by something that stopped your breath, raced your heart and caused your mind to soar heavenward in praise to God. We really aren't having many of those  experiences anymore. We have replaced the truly awe inspiring moments with thrill seeking adrenaline rushes. When the thrill is over, we feel empty and disillusioned.

In days gone by, when people needed recreation or entertainment, they would escape to nature. They would feast their senses on God's creation. They would bask in the power of the Almighty, become overwhelmed with the Wonder of His Glory and return home eager to share their joy with others through their labor for Him.

In this generation, men seek different thrills. Things like television, video games, computer, even the talents God gave to man to exhibit His glory, are being viewed as awe inspiring. Satan has blinded man since the beginning of time with the illusion that what God  provides to hold his wonder is not enough. He has clouded man's mind and obscured his view of God. This allows man to believe his on creations are worthy of awe.

I remember the day God began conditioning me to view His glory in His handiwork. It was a few days after Hannah was born. I began to notice the hands of the people that held her. Some of the fingers were smooth and straight, while others, were bent wrinkled and swollen with arthritis. Some of the nails were polished and well kept, others were stained and short indicating work of some kind. In my journal I noted many of the characteristics of those hands.  We will examine some of those characteristics and begin the process of returning our awe to the ONLY AWE INSPIRING ONE.

 Layers of self must be removed before one can return one's mind to God. We will never be finished with this peeling, as I call it, until we get to Glory, but the process must begin somewhere. Removing the layer of frustration over circumstances is first. One must begin to see the circumstance as something to learn from. God knows what He is doing and will allow us to rest in Him IF we are willing.

After giving birth my senses were on overdrive. I heard every move that tiny baby made, even from the other room. Well, maybe not every move, but she had a powerful set of lungs. They let me know any time she needed me and like a dutiful first time mom, I checked on her every few minutes just to make sure she was still breathing.

During those first few days, Hannah was held by many visitors. She was blessed with five grandmothers and countless family members. I was a stay at home mom and I loved showing her off. As visitors held my precious, I focused on their every move, especially the grandmothers. I wanted  to know what they knew. All of them had raised at least one child. They had all been teaching me my whole life. I wasn't about to let those moments pass. Then I began to notice their hands. The oldest, the ones with the wrinkled skin and knobbed knuckles, were the most curious to me. Those were the ones who had spent many years of their lives tending and nurturing others. 

Because of  heightened senses, during early motherhood, I had a very difficult time sleeping. Whether Hannah woke me up or not, it seemed I could never get a full night's rest. I allowed lack of sleep to raise my temper. I couldn't continue to fume, so I began praying God would condition me for this task. Along this time, I began to study a few Psalms that God would use to help me deal with the everyday duties of motherhood. One of those was Psalm 4. I titled it my "Rest" chapter. It contains a formula for dealing with frustration that I have used time and time again.

vs. 1-Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress, have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.

The first step to dealing with frustration over circumstances is prayer. Our relationship with the Father began with prayer. The most beautiful aspect of my elders hands was the fact I knew they folded them everyday in prayer. Calling out to God about my frustration and asking Him to free me from the hemmed in place and to enlarge me or make me able to tolerate more with less sleep became a daily practice. I wanted His mercy and I wanted Him to hear my prayer. All of this was unfolded for me from this verse as I gnawed on the words and began to disgust their meaning. You might say I started the process of pondering at this time. Pondering isn't just thinking. It involves deep, careful, even prayful consideration. It is a type of thinking that returns your mind to awe and wander. You begin to realize you are powerless, that the Almighty has the plan, pattern and purpose for your life and He alone will provide for your every need, including sleep.

vs. 2 O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.

The second step to dealing with frustration is realizing selfishness and eliminating it. The dutiful hands of the grandmothers taught faithfulness in hardships. One tended to a sick husband for seventeen years. One prepared meals for 3 households daily due to extended family illnesses. One did needle work and gifted often to extend hospitality and graciousness and all mended and tended gardens, canning and putting back for the harsh winters to come.

I began to realize I was making some choices that were robbing me of sleep. Drinking too much caffeine, watching too much television, staying up late after Hannah was asleep so I could have "my time."

vs. 3-4 But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself: The Lord will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.

It was time I learned the art of being still........What? None of my elders hands were ever still, yet their was a steel like quality to them. They were strong enough to roof houses, lay bricks, stock shelves, but gentle enough to cradle a newborn with such graceful motion. I learned that being still in spirit is the third step to dealing with frustration. I learned many hand art from the hands of my elders. I was always amazed at how those weathered hands could produce the most beautiful things, from quilts, to crocheted doilies, to clothes, and even furniture.  I began to learn that watching television or reading novels did not produce a still spirit. But I did find it in the hand arts and daily chores. I became awestruck many times in the process. A still, quiet spirit allows the soul to see God in everything.

vs. 5-7 Offer the sacrifices of righteousness and put your trust in the Lord. There be many that say, Who will show us any good? Lord, lift thou up the light of they countenance upon us. Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased.

The final step to dealing with frustration is not to compare your situation to someone else. You might say, "Thou shalt not to covet."
I Thess. 4:11 became a daily reminder.  "And that you study to be quiet and do your own busy and work with your own hands as we commanded you."

What God was doing in my life was about me, not my friend who had children who slept through the night from day one. It was about what He was conditioning me to do for Him and for His glory. All of my circumstances were for my good, as Romans 8:28 states. If He has the plan, pattern and purpose for my life then lack of sleep must be part of that plan. I would learn how to refuse the temptation to compare myself to someone else and ask God for the rest He knew I needed.

vs. 8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.

Becoming awestruck offers the soul a jolt, a restart, a renewed genesis if you will, a place to ponder.
May I ask-- Have you been awestruck lately and what do you ponder?

Born to be Reborn

I remember it like it was yesterday. Twenty two years ago today, I was in the hospital suffering from toxemia. I was twenty three years old. I was forty two weeks pregnant. I weighed 168 pounds. I had no clue what toxemia was or what was going to happen, so truly, I was not afraid.
Sometimes you're just to dumb to know any better.
At 10:00 A.M. the doctor decided to induce my labor with Castor oil which I immediately threw up and crawled back into bed. I continued watching Disney's Gus on TV.

Don't you just love remember when stories, especially when they are not yours. Usually when someone begins to share a remember when, I ask myself, "what does this have to do with me?" I try to see if there is something in the story that can help me. We are all on a journey. If we see someone dip or rise in the horizon, we should stop and pay close attention and learn how to follow or lead.

At 1:30 P.M. the doctor returned to my room to do another procedure which produced no results. At 3:00 P.M. he decided to break my water. I walked across the hallway to the delivery room and was told to get ready. My husband was still at work. Now, I was getting scared. By 4:00 P.M. I was strapped to the bed and it was time to push. Tony had finally arrived. Other than the pains from pushing, I was not feeling the contractions. My legs and hips hurt tremendously, however. (Some years later, I would find out about a condition I have that caused that pain). I pushed and pushed and begged and pleaded. After four hours of pushing, Hannah Grace was born weighing in at 8 pounds 13 ounces and 19 inches long. Her eyes were swollen. She looked like a little sumo wrestler. But I was overjoyed!
The nurse asked me her name. 
"Precious, she is precious," I kept repeating.
"Is that her name?" the nurse asked.
"No, No, it's Hannah Grace," was my tearful reply.

You see some months before, when I found out I was pregnant, I began praying. I asked God for a baby girl. I had had a sonogram two days earlier while in the hospital. My husband thought he saw a "turtle," so he thought we were going to have a boy. I alone knew about my prayers for a girl and was rejoicing in God that He had answered my prayers.

This was not the first time God had answered yes to a prayer of mine, but it was the first time I truly realized His love in doing so.

"My God, my Father, hears me, answers me, because He loves me, just like I love this little one I am holding," were my thoughts.

From that day on my view of our relationship was different. I had finally been allowed to join the parent club and could have true understanding of what a parent feels and how a parent loves and protects. I know longer viewed God as just the Author, Authority and Disciplinarian. He was now Wonderful, Counselor and Caregiver. I could truly feel Him presenting Himself to me as a Parent, The Parent-The Abba Father spoken of in Romans 8:15-16.

"For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear: but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.  The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God."

Then, I began the recovery process. First, I sat on ice for twenty four hours. Then, I learned how to nurse this child. My husband and I took her home two days later. She slept during the day and stayed awake all night. The first night home, I sat with her on my lap looking at a children's book, wishing for sleep and praying for God to tell how to tend to this screaming, wiggling mess. I HAD NO CLUE! Over the next twenty two years He would teach me the joys, and pains of being a parent and a child. He blessed me with the a desire to journal it all. Looking back over those pages, I can season them with His Word and share them in the hopes that others will learn to be delivered from self and selfishness to view Him as Abba. The day my Gracie was born was the day I saw my Father's face. You might say she was born so I could be reborn.

My Offering

As you walk with the Lord, He leads you to places where you can learn how to cope with the difficulties of life. It is my prayer that as you read these post you feel His leading and will continue to WALK ON IN THE POWER OF HIS MIGHT.

The book of Luke records the story of a woman who brought her offering to the Lord. Jesus said it was not the amount of money that mattered most, but the HEART with which she gave it.
She emptied herself of all that she had for HIM.

As I begin the process of offering my thoughts,
I pray He will find them as honoring.
He alone deserves glory. It is Jesus I live for!

Because of some experiences and challenges I have faced, God has taught me much in just 45 years. I was asked a few days ago to write this blog to share my "mites." To some, they will seem but the empty rantings of a woman, spilling her two cents worth into the plate, but to others, they will be viewed as affirmation and direction as they continue to walk The Walk and offer the living sacrifice God desires of us daily.

As we continue on our journey we often become discouraged. I will use this blog to encourage you to continue along with me. We will walk arm and arm, as it were and hopfully grow together along the way.

     Isaiah 40:28-31

     Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings as eagles' they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

I have traveled 28 years with my Lord. I have studied God's Word extensively finding His plans, reviewing His pattens and sometimes even discovering His purposes for our emotional responses. He has given me the desire to share those lessons, in the hope, that others may grow and serve Him. Isaiah 40: 8 says we are grass that withers and fads, but God's Word shall stand forever. Learning to walk it before our children will continue that process. It is my hearts desire that we all find a child and model Christ to them daily. They will learn who He is and learn to follow Him only by our lead.

As we continue to face the challenges that lay ahead, this blog will be a daily reminder of what God has done. It will allow me to review my history with Him so I can continue on in the Power of His Might.