When Hannah was six months old I began to pray for another baby. I know, I must have been crazy. She was still not sleeping through the night. I was tired and cranky all the time. But, I wanted to return to the "happy me." I didn't know this then, but have since learned, that a woman, because of the hormones of pregnancy, experiences lot's of "happiness." Even in the mist of being morning sick and worrying about the out come, she is "happy." So, I thought, I needed to be pregnant again to make those feelings return. I had a lot to learn at 24.
I began praying for a baby boy. I began studying names and planned to name him James Noah, James after his dad and Noah, because in my studies I found the name Noah means "rest." I asked God to allow him to be a restful child since Hannah wasn't. She was always busy. At nine months, she was walking and talking and into everything. I found out at this time I was expecting. I was thrilled. Here comes my "fix." We will have another baby and life will be grand again. Little did I know, that what I was experiencing was the onset of my first battle with depression.
Depression is a place. It is a place where you loose the true view of life and all it's wonders. It is also a method. It is a method Satan is allowed to use to confuse the mind. Yes, I said allowed. Remember, God is sovereign. He holds the universe by His power and He is intimately involved with each of His children. He allows Satan permission to tempt us so He can recapture our AWE. Contemplate that thought over a cup of coffee and the books of Job and James and we will return to this thought tomorrow.
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